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View Profile SoftCustomer9
Indie game and Valve (The game studio, not the pipe) enthusiast. Long time supporter for #SteveForSmash. He/Him

Ittihaj Halim @SoftCustomer9

Male

Joined on 2/10/21

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Teacher: You will pass only if you get a score higher than 70

Me: Scores 7000 points in Pacman

Teacher: Wait, that's illegal!

Me: It ain't much, but it's honest work

Teacher: Outstanding move!

Me: This is big brain time

Teacher: Now it's time to do your homework

Me: But my dog ate it

Teacher: Don't be silly, your honework is online, dumbass!

Me: Feeds laptop to a stray dog

Teacher: Outstanding move!

Me: Ah, another man of culture I see...

Teacher: Here you go, you deserved this!

hands over gold award

Me: Thanks for the gold kind teacher! super mario power up sound effect plays

Teacher: Ok now, time to read some books.

Me: Wait, I have a question: how's your marriage going so far?

Teacher: bad

Me: So you're saying that books are good and wives are bad? If so please repeat your statement.

Teacher: Book good wife bad

Me: Muahahaha. You have triggered my trap card! pulls out uno reverse card

Teacher: I don't like where this is going...

Me: OK BOOMER!

Teacher: NOOOOOOOOOOO...

Me: Bruh moment

[Teacher morphs into big chungus]

Chungus: Congratulations, young one. You have earned my respects.

[Presses F to pay respects]

Now, you have earned the best award of them all!

[Hands over platinum award]

Me: [everybody liked that] Wow, thanks Big Chungus! Thanks to you I now have internet points!

Chungus: Also, here's another reward.

[hands over 69 years of Reddit Premium]

Me: Thanks kind chungus! Now I can use Reddit ad-free! (Also, N I C E)

Chungus: Ok young one, go on without me. May all your posts get millions of karma and all dead memes live on within the society we live in. Remember young one, it isn't success that matters in life, it's memes and reddit gold. So go on! Go on and become the greatest meme hero of all time!

Me: Thanks for the advice Big Chungus! I promise to r/woooosh all the normies on sight and post lots of stale memes.

Chungus: It's great that you understand. Anyway, adventure awaits me.

CHANGE DA WORLD, MY FINAL MESSAGE, GOODBYE

[Big Chungus ascends to a different dimension]

Me: Ok, now the time has come. It is now the time for me to prove everyone wrong. I was born to be a legend. And nobody can stop me now. With my reddit premium subscription nobody can stop me! I am the reddit warrior. I am the reddit warrior. Yes, you heard that right, filthy peasant normies!

I AM THE REDDIT WARRIOR AND NOW, I WILL SAVE US ALL FROM THE OTHER FILTHY SOCIAL MEDIA NETWORKS! *DEATH TO FACEBOOK, DEATH TO INSTAGRAM, DEATH TO YOUTUBE, AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, DEATH TO ALL NORMIES. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

BRO, YOU JUST POSTED CRINGE! YOU ARE GOING TO LOOSE SUBSCRIBER!

[Shoots out massive laser toward the headquarters of the other social networks]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

[All other social media networks are now gone. The only one left is now reddit.]

Nobody: Not a single soul: Not even ugandan knuckles:

Me: [gazes above]

Soul of Big Chungus: Well done, young one. Now you have become a true hero. Because that's what heroes do. And now, you have joined the council of the GREATEST MEMES OF ALL TIME , along with myself, Keanu Reeves, Doge, Ugandan Knuckles, Woah, Beanos, Lego yoda, Doge, Shrek, We are number one, and our leader, THE OMNISCIENT GLOBGLOGABGALAB!

Welcome to the council, young one. Now, the council is complete, just like the infinity stones. Adventure awaits, my allies. IT IS TIME TO ERADICATE ALL NORMIES! Nobody:

Not a single soul:

Not even le Keanu Reeves:

Big Chungus: OK everyone, I have some horrible news. There's a new social media app popping up, it seems to be gaining lots of popularity. Its name is TikTok. We need to take them down.

Beanos: But how will we do that? I heard they have very strong defences.

Doge: What sort of defences are you talking about?

Globglogabgalab: They have a hivemind of millions of braindead 8 year olds, all being mind-controlled by a man named Joe.

Keanu Reeves: Finally, a worthy opponent! Our battle will be legendary!

Doge: Oh no. Also, who's Joe?

Globglogabgalab: JOE MAMA!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA U JUST GOT JOED!

Me: STONKS

Big Chungus: If everyone agrees, we can launch a sneak attack in 69 minutes, is that OK with everyone?

Everybody: Nice.

Me: SNEAK 100

Big Chungus: OK, let's all ready our weapons then.

[69 minutes later]

Globglogabgalab: If this map's correct, we should get there in 420 seconds.

Me: Let's get going then.

[420 seconds later]

Me: OK, now that we're next to the outer walls of TikTok headquarters we can break down the fucking walls.

Shrek: But how will we do that?

Me: I don't fucking know lol

[everyone starts dancing to penis music]

Shrek: I know somebody that can help us. He also told me the world was gonna roll me.

Me: Who is he?

Shrek: His name is Rick Sanchez, but he prefers to go by the name Pickle Rick.

Me: OK, let's go meet him.

[1 second later]

Shrek: Yep, this is the place.

Me: OK, time to talk to Pickle Rick.

[everyone enters a gate in front of them]

Pickle Rick: Welcome, everyone, to my laboratory! I'm Pickle Riiiick!

Shrek: Greetings, pickle rick. Long time no see!

Pickle Rick: Yeah bro. Wholesome 100!

Me: Can you help us destroy TikTok?

Pickle Rick: Of course.

[everyone returns back to the TikTok HQ area]

Pickle Rick: IMA FIRIN MA LAZER

[Pickle Rick obliterates le wall with the laser]

Joe Mama: Welcome to TikTok. Prepare to die!

[Joe mama impales Beanos using his cringe sword]

Big Chungus: NOOOOOOOOOOOO...

Beanos: REEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

[beanos fucking dies]

Big Chungus: Heck!

Me: Don't worry Big Chungus, he was a stupid cringe normie meme anyway.

Big Chungus: Good point. CRINGE 100

Shrek: Yo Joe!

Me: We're gonna break your legs, Joe!

Joe Mama: Why do I hear boss music?

[I stab Joe with my downvote spear]

Joe Mama: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

[joe mama also fucking dies]

Doge: Woof.

Me: Anyway, the main datacenter is right in front of us. It's filled with dumb cringe normie baby memes. We must destroy it.

[I rush into the main building]

Hmm, something feels a bit off...

[I hear the gates closing behind me]

Me: F

???: Foolish mortal, there is no escape now, hahahahaha!

Me: Wait, who are you? [turns back]

Me: ?!

[Boss music begins playing]

Me: SANS UNDERTALE?

Sans Undertale: Yes, hahahahaha! It is I, the great Sans of Undertale. Prepare to get rekt against my MLG gamer skills. I will quickscope the shit out of you now, you little redditor!

Me: Oh no

Sans Undertale: And not only will you have to fight against me, you will also have to fight against my evil ally...

Me: Who is it?

Sans Undertale: Peter Griffin!

[Peter Griffin teleports behind me]

Peter Griffin: お前はもう死んでいる

[Peter Griffin punches me, launching me all the way to the other side of the room]

Me: Damn it! I need to come up with something! Think, u/CitricJazz, think!

Sans Undertale: Hahahahaha! Prepare to die against my SPOOKTOBER UPDOOT ATTACK!!!!

Me: Wait, I have an idea! [lightbulb materialises above head]

Me: I CAN MAKE A JOJO REFERENCE!

Me: [makes a fucking jojo reference]

Sans Undertale: IS THAT A MOTHERFUCKING JOJO REFERENCE?

Me: Yes of course!

Sans Undertale: [pulls out uno reverse card]

Sans Undertale: HAHAHAHAHAHA! That attack is no match against the mighty uno reverse card attack!

Me: [fucking dies]

Sans Undertale: YES! Reddit is now no more!

[Big Chungus overhears that and gets super angery]

Angery Chungus: Not if I have anything to say about that, Sans! And I do, I'm gonna revive the reddit warrior!

[I get revived by angery chungus]

Me: Now, it's time for my strongest attack yet! This can obliterate anything, even Evil Shaggy at 100% power!

Me: [makes Sans Undertale and Peter Griffin read Chapter 1 of The Reddit Warrior]

Sans Undertale: NOOOOOOOOOOO!! THE CRINGE!! THE CRINGE IS TOO STRONG!!!! AAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!

Peter Griffin: MR STARK I DON'T FEEL SO GOOD!!! AAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!

[Sans Undertale and Peter Griffin implode in cringe overload]

Big Chungus: Wow! Thanks for saving us from those evil bad guys! Here's an Argentinum award as a token of my gratitude!

[Big Chungus hands over an argentinum award]

Me: WHOLESOME 10000!!! [gains unfathomably strong superpowers]

Shrek: It's over 9000!

Doge: Woof.

Me: Now, let's finish this once and for all!

[a distant, eerie voice is heard from the speaker system]

Evil Shaggy: Muahahahahahahaaa! You have all fallen right into my evil trap! Hahahahahahahaaha!

Everyone: Oh shit.

[the earth begins to rumble]

Me: Oh dear.

[A massive abyss appears in the ground, sucking us all inside]

Everyone: NOOOOOOOOOO...

Evil Shaggy: HAHAHAHAHAHA! It's all over now, foolish redditor incels! Evil Shaggy: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA prepare to die, you puny neckbeards! Prepare to fight against the Elite Normie Trio! Muahahahahahahahahahaha!

Everyone: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...

[everyone falls into the abyss]

[3 hours later]

Globglogabgalab: Where in my books' name are we?

Shrek: So now what?

Me: I suppose we will fight whatever enemy approaches us, I guess...

Big Chungus: No shit sherlock [puts on thug life glasses as MLG music plays]

Keanu Reeves: Over there! Who are those?

[One of the mysterious figures approaches them]

Keanu Reeves: Who the fuck are you? You know I am carrying a pencil, right?

???: We're no strangers, Keanu.

Keanu Reeves: nani?

???: You know the rules, Keanu.

Keanu Reeves: Oh shit oh fuck. It can't be!

???: AND SO DO I ! ! ! ! ! !

Rick Astley: [Hello there. Heh heh heh.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ

)Rick Astley: Awaken, my masters!

[Jojo's Pillar Men Theme Earrape Starts Playing]

Big Chungus: Oh no, I should have expected their arrival. These three are the absolute most abundant normies of all time.

YandereDev: I humbly submit a toast to Nicholas Alexander.

YandereDev: Also, consume the cum chalice.

JoJoker: You utter fools! Us three are the greatest internet warriors of all time!

Me: Not if I have anything to say about tha-

[Rick Astley explodes Baby Yoda's head by playing extreme earrape rickroll sounds]

Rick Astley: I am the master misleading link troll! Not the gnome, not the stickbug, not the distraction dance, not the thunder cross split attack, it's ME! So you guys better watch out!

[YandereDev Bans We Are Number One from his Discord Server, thus killing them instantly]

JoJoker: Even Speedwagon would be afraid after this attack! Hehehehehehe.

Big Chungus: [starts crying]

Big Chungus: WHOLESOME 0

Shrek: You vile pieces of shit... we shall now obliterate you!

YandereDev: I will destroy all of you, just like any criticism about my game! (prepares ban hammer)

Rick Astley: We will give you up, we will let you down, and we will run around and desert you.

YandereDev: And our Boss, JoJoker, will be very happy with us.

JoJoker: We will outSTANDingly strike you all down!

Me: Well, we're 4 parallel universes ahead of you on that, kiddo.

Rick Astley: So be it! (Sends a suspicious youtube link to everyone)

Me: You fool. We all memorised the link!

Rick Astley: GRRRRRRR..... That's it! EARRAPE ATTACK!

WE'RE NO STRANGERS TO LO-

Me: (Sends Rickroll hyperlink to Rick Astley)

Rick Astley: Hmm... What the hell is this? Well, it's worth a try clicki-

Rick Astley: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Rick Astley suddenly collapses]

Rick Astley: you absolute mad lad. you actually did it.

Rick Astley: my comrades. please avenge me...

[Rick Astley turns competely into dust]

[YandereDev somehow gets even more infuriated]

YandereDev: How dare you? Rick was the most well-known of us all! And even more importantly, he was like a brother to us.

[JoJoker just stands there, menacingly.]

JoJoker: Stay calm, my YandereDev. If you can calmly read their attacks, you can easily defeat all of them in the blink of an eye. I, Joker Joestar, assure you.

YandereDev: I will, master.

[YandereDev prepares his Ban Hammer]

YandereDev: Hey you! You're not getting away this time, you poopy-head!

Big Chungus: r/MurderedByWords

Me: r/RoastMe. I don't fucking care.

YandereDev: Oh, you're just trying to make me mad. BUT THAT WON'T WORK ON ME ANYMORE!

Doge: Wow, really?

Doge: Consume the cu-

[YandereDev furiously strikes Doge, crippling him in the process]

YandereDev: You just got banned! HAHAHAHAHAHA! Didn't know you were also speedrunning! HAHAHAHAHAHA!

JoJoker: Well done. Now finish off the rest.

YandereDev: Sure thing, master.

[YandereDev readies his banhammer once again]

Shrek: That's it, you little shit! Prepare to die!

YandereDev: Oh dear, another dogged contender, huh?

YandereDev: Even if you had all 7 power onions, you would still be no match for me! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Now go back to your swamp, you stupid o-

Doge: No u

[Doge brings out 2 gummy vitamins from his gummy vitamin jar]

Doge: Now it's time for you to meet my ultimate form!

[Doge eats the gummy vitamins]

Me: No, Doge! You are endangering yourself!

Doge: Remember me, okay?

Everyone: Yes, we will.

[Doge: Charges toward YandereDev, faster than light]

YandereDev: Oh.

Doge: You will now die, Yande-

YandereDev: Oh, you actually thought I only have one attack? Well, yes, but actually no.

YandereDev: Else If attack!

[YandereDev creates a strong shield around him out of his 6 years worth of terribly-written, unoptimised game code]

Phil Swift: And it's all held together with flex tape!

Everyone: What the fuck are you doing here, Phil Swift?

Phil Swift: And to show you the power of flex tape, I sawed this boat in ha-

JoJoker: Killer Queen has already touched the boat.

Phil Swift: Now that's a lot of damage! (fucking dies)

YandereDev: Now, where were we?

[Doge slams into the code shield, and is stopped]

YandereDev: HAHAHA! I knew I could easily triumph over you! Now for the re-

Doge: Not so fast!

Doge: Who told you THAT was my final attack? Now comes the real attack!

Doge: But it's not a direct physical attack, you see...

YandereDev: Oh come on! What can it possibly be-

Doge: Are ya coding son?

YandereDev: REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[YandereDev Begins to smash Doge with his banhammer]

Doge: It's too late now!

Keanu Reeves (from behind) : How dare you attack that poor cute little doggo?

Keanu Reeves: Now, I shall make you pay for that!!!

Keanu Reeves: TAKE THIS!

[Keanu Reeves quickly stabs YandereDev 100 times using a plastic spoon]

Keanu Reeves: Wholesome 100

YandereDev: mark my words, Keanu...

YandereDev: consume the cum chalice

[YandereDev melts away quickly]

Strong Doge: Wow! We actually did it!

Big Chungus: Watch out! There's still one more of them!

JoJoker: I should not have underestimated you.

JoJoker: I actually thought my comrades would stand a chance against you.

JoJoker: But it turns out that they are pathetic.

JoJoker: They couldn't even defend themselves against you guys.

JoJoker: However...

JoJoker: It won't be that way this time.

Globglogabgalab: (pulls out uno reverse card)

Globglogabgalab: Well, I think my crew has done well. But now I might need to use my meme power against you!

JoJoker: yare yare daze...

JoJoker: You don't even stand a chance against me, you utter fool!

[JoJoker poses menacingly]

TO BE CONTINUED . . .


Recent Game Medals

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